Going to hell in a handoff

When an athlete begins to pray after a noteworthy achievement, be it kneeling in the end zone after a touchdown, or crossing himself and saluting the sky after a home run, it's often said that "God has better things to do than watch your game"-- the implication being that, in the great scheme of things, the outcome of a single sporting event is so insignificant as to completely escape divine notice. I used to agree, but now-- with the worldwide state of affairs growing ever more tense and wretched for the past century or two-- I've come to a different opinion: God is watching the game. In fact, He's doing very little else.

One can hardly blame Him. Humanity has gone to great lengths to ensure that their sporting events are deeply compelling spectacles, presented with great pomp, slick production values, and in high definition (where available). Meticulously crafted parity, technological advancements, and diabolical marketing practically guarantee that large, frenzied crowds will witness high drama between evenly-matched teams of the greatest physical specimens that homo sapiens has ever produced... and God can watch every game, all the time (and in high definition, which is available in all regions of heaven). It's not that he can't watch all the games and still keep the rest of the world in order... it's that he doesn't want to. I completely understand; given the choice between election coverage and Sportscenter, you can bet that I'll choose ESPN.

If humanity is to pull out of our death spiral, we have to count on our sports stars-- they're the only ones God seems to be paying any attention to just now. So, great professional athletes of the world: while you're thanking God for blessing you with that touchdown (for example), could you put in a word for the rest of us, too? Thanks bunches.

Thoughts on pessimism

My mother gave me a magazine article today, detailing the bad things that can happen to pessimistic people. I steeled myself, took a deep breath, and tried to take it seriously. As it happens, the reason that she gave me article in the first place is that I am, by nature, rather prone to a negative outlook, and tend to be dismissive of anyone who tells me anything thematically close to "cheer up".

In fact, this particular article wasn't the syrupy-sweet fluff piece I feared; it simply presented statistics and medical opinions about the long-term consequences of a grim worldview. I was mildly impressed: I didn't find anything immediately annoying about the article.

Of course, I couldn't just smile and get happy, either. A few minutes after reading, my most powerful impression was this:

FROM THE ARTICLE (paraphrasing): Pessimistic people tend to think that all problems are permanent, and give up too easily.

MY RESPONSE: You know who else thinks problems are permanent? People who have legitimately permanent problems, and have accurately assessed their circumstances. A young telegraph operator in the 1980's, for example, shouldn't be called a quitter or pessimistic for examining the marketplace and deciding that his chosen field is doomed-- quite the contrary; he'd be a fool to "tough it out" and "fight the good fight" in a dying industry.

Too many "every cloud has a silver lining" types cry pessimism at the first hint of a non-positive observation. To them, I say this: a negative statement is only pessimism if it is ill-considered, wrong, and unhelpful. If I tell you something unpleasant, it's very probably something I feel is both important and true; I'm seriously not trying to be a dick.

(Okay, sometimes I am trying to be a dick. That's probably your fault for goading me into it.)

Thought for the day

Whenever something horrible and random happens, it's commonly said that the Lord works in mysterious ways.

I think we should be open to the possibility that He works in a transparent and obvious manner,  and is also a bit of a dick.